Why do I have to be the one making efforts all the time?
Why do I have to be the only one who understands?
Why can’t he prioritize me at least on some days?
If these questions often come up in your mind, then it is highly likely that your relationship is slowly becoming a one-sided relationship.
As women we tend to give our all to all our relationships, especially romantic relationships. However, most of us do not get the same amount of love, affection and time in return. Although there are exceptions to this rule, men generally tend to stop making efforts just a few months into the relationship.
Every relationship is a two-way street and it will only work that way. There is no other substitute to it. So, if you are the only active participant in the relationship, then you really need to re-think its future.
And, there are two ways to go about it-
- Let Go
- A Subtle Detachment
Letting go is getting out of it completely – and this is when you believe that there is nothing left in the relationship to salvage- no emotional connection, no intimacy, no effort or support.
It is difficult to let go of someone you love or are deeply attached to. But when a relationship instead of becoming your safe space or the reason for your happiness starts becoming the reason for your anxiety, stress or frustration or simply becomes borderline toxic, then coming out of it is the only option you have.
Detaching yourself from the person or the relationship comes into the picture when all of it becomes really confusing or exhausting for you.
His mood defines yours. You are on cloud 9 when he texts you or gives you attention and miserable the second he stops making enough time for you.
You know that the man you are with loves you and cares for you but is neither emotionally available or expressive. He does not have the time or the energy to spend time with you. So, what do you do in such a case?
Solution- Detachment
As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Instead of being the wife or girlfriend who demands time and attention, give your man as much time & space he needs. Believe it or not, this will work wonders for your mental health and overall well-being too. And, a little distance is good for your relationship’s growth and foundation, as well.
It does not mean that you have to detach yourself entirely, but you should have the control or the ability to practice that detachment in your relationship whenever necessary.
Now, this type of subtle detachment is easier said than done. You neither want to appear entirely unavailable emotionally or mentally nor do you want to seem too needy or clingy for his love or attention. How do we achieve that? There are some simple ways in which you can subtly detach from your man without affecting your relationship. Read on to know what you need to do to master the art of subtle detachment.
No To Too Many Texts
While many of us might not accept that we do it, we end up bombarding our partner’s phone with so many texts if we do not get the response on time or the response we expect. Cut down on this habit.
Text him once or twice maybe and then give him the time to react to it, whether it takes a few hours or even a whole day. Let him make the effort. Controlling the urge to text him every now and then will surely end up doing good for your relationship. Sometimes, taking a step back is the only way to move forward.
Meditate/Exercise
You need to practice a lot of self-control when you are subtly detaching from any relationship. And, meditating is a really great way to achieve that. Meditating for even 15 minutes daily can help you put your thoughts together and see things with a different perspective.
Keep A Journal
There are several thoughts that come to mind when our partner does something that makes us feel bad or emotionally hurt us to some extent. In such a case, instead of lashing out, take out all your deepest emotions and fears on paper. Writing it all in a journal is a mature decision to take when things are all heated up.
Doing this will help you calm down and look at things in a better light when that anger subsides. And, later you can obviously talk about all your feelings and express yourself to your partner in a way that works for both of you as well as your relationship.
Let Go Of Control
However tough it might seem, we need to accept it sooner or later that we cannot control everything around us- our lives, our relationships, someone’s behavior towards us. It will just add to our anxiety, nothing else.
Caring about the people we love is not wrong, but do not overdo it. We need to let go of the urge to create a perfect life and let loose a little bit. Do what you can do best, and let everything else take care of itself. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so keep yourself happy and everything else will automatically fall in place.
Be Passionate In Other Aspects
Women are way more passionate than men, So, why not divert this passion in other parts of our lives as well? Do not put all your emotions and intensity in your romantic relationship; keep some for yourself too.
Be passionate about your own life; look for ways to make it better. Involve yourself in your passion projects or hobbies. Simply put, have a life outside your relationship. Too much dependence on your partner for your happiness can be really detrimental in the long run. A balanced life is the key to a more fulfilling life.