As women, whenever we talk or even think about self love or loving ourselves, a cloud of guilt surrounds us. Doesn’t matter how small or big that cloud is, but it surely does, even if you think you are a ‘I don’t give a fuck’ kinda woman.
With so many duties, responsibilities, a home to take care of, kids and family, work stress and what not – it will be wrong to take out time for myself. Right? Somehow we are wired to connect self love with selfishness. We are always compelled to believe that loving myself comes with a price.
There is a very thin line between self love and self obsession. There are ways to love yourself and not seem selfish or self-centered. How do you know that your way of self love or self care is not selfish? Before we get into this, it is important to know about self love & its need in our lives.
What Does Self Love Mean?
We often tend to confuse self love with being selfish. Self love is all about appreciating yourself, loving yourself, having a positive regard for yourself. It means that you value yourself, you treat yourself the right way, and do not let anyone else tell you or treat you otherwise.
Self love is not just about indulging in shopping or taking a luxury spa. Ofcourse, it can be one of the ways to pamper yourself, however, self care is something way deeper than this. It is about nourishing and nurturing your physical, emotional and mental well-being. It is about taking care of your basic needs and taking deliberate steps to prioritise your health and your happiness.
There are different ways to practise self love depending upon an individual’s choice. It could be exercising, getting proper sleep, reading a book, spending time with loved ones, pursuing your hobbies, taking time off to travel, simply put, doing any sort of activity which brings you peace, joy and a sense of fulfilment.
Why Is It Important?
Life is not an easy ride. So, how do you expect to handle the curveballs life throws at you if you are not your best possible self? How will you keep yourself motivated to face the challenges of this life? The answer is simple – by taking care of yourself first. A little loving of oneself will help us take better care of the people we love. More so, when you start taking care of yourself, you come to realise your strengths as well as weaknesses. This helps you manage your life in a better way and even open doors to new opportunities.
Self love ushers in positivity in our lives as we start looking at ourselves in a positive light. We feel empowered, motivated to do better and take risks. We set boundaries, we do not push ourselves too far in an effort to make others happy & we learn to say no to things we do not like or want to do
Myths You Need To Get Over With
- Self love is not a luxury – You should never feel guilty about taking out time for yourself. Because it is something you need for your mental, spiritual and emotional health.
- It is not about being perfect- It is about what best you can do to take care of yourself and to make the most out of your life.
- It is not selfish – Self love is not about disregarding or disrespecting the needs of others. Rather, when you learn to love yourself, you end up giving more love to the people and the world around you. A little ‘Me’ time can go a long way in helping you live a more fulfilling life in every aspect.
Signs You Lack Self Love
- Difficulty Saying No – You find it a challenge to set boundaries with others. Even when you do not want to do something, you end up over-committing yourself and doing it.
- Constant Comparison With Others – Grass is greener always on the other side for you. You feel dissatisfied with yourself and your life; others’ lives and careers seem much better to you than yours. And which is why you feel stressed and disappointed most of the time.
- Putting Up With Toxic Relationships- It is difficult for you to let go of toxic relationships. Because somewhere deep down, you blame yourself for another person’s behaviour towards you. You believe that it is always you who is at fault, every time.
- Doubting Yourself, Fear Of Failure- You do not feel competent enough, you lack motivation to do anything – you are insecure about your abilities, talents and accomplishment.
- Total Disregard Of Personal Needs – You never prioritise yourself. Whenever it is you versus others, your needs always take a backseat.
Ways To Practise Self Love Without Being Selfish
- Keep 60 minutes for yourself
There are 24 hours in a day, taking out just one hour for yourself is all you need. It could be early in the morning or late in the night or whenever you get the time. In that one hour, do whatever you want. It is your time to wind down, relax and do only what brings you fulfilment & joy. It could be simply reading a book, painting, talking to a friend or even simply sitting and enjoying your coffee. An hour in a day dedicated to just yourself can improve your overall life to a significant extent.
- Start Journaling
Another highly effective way to practise self love is writing or journaling. Believe it or not, when you put all your thoughts, negative or positive, your doubts, your fears on paper, you get a feeling that something heavy is lifted from your shoulder. Journaling can prove to be an incredible mood booster that always works. And when you journal daily, each day you are taking a step forward towards loving yourself.
- Adopt a healthy lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle does not only mean physical fitness. You should take care of yourself- mentally, physically and spiritually. Involve yourself in activities which rejuvenate your overall well-being. Meditate, take walks, exercise, dance, listen to music- simply put, do anything which energises you, makes you fit and keeps you in a good mood all day long.
- Treat yourself often
Do not ever feel guilty whenever you want to pamper yourself. A little indulgence every now and then is the best form of self love there is. Whenever you are feeling low or exhausted, go all out and treat yourself without thinking too much. Retail therapy, spa time, maybe even a weekend getaway or simply a leisure day dedicated entirely to yourself- do what brings joy in your life and do it often!
- Celebrate small wins
Self love is even about building and nurturing a positive environment around oneself. And we can do that by finding joy in everyday lives. Take every win as a reason to celebrate & enjoy- no matter how small or big it is. Believe it or not but this can bring a major shift in your mindset & usher in more optimism in your life.
- Do something new
When you accomplish something or learn anything new, you start feeling better about yourself. This feeling of getting better at something helps a great deal in chasing away all the doubts which are constantly clouding our mind. When we start doing something new, it adds excitement in our lives, giving us something to look forward to on a daily basis.
When you start loving yourself even a little bit, you gradually start becoming the best version of yourself. Once you make it a habit to practise self love without any guilt, life will start getting beautiful day by day.